Numb-ed

There's been so much in my head, so much i want to say. But when i find somewhere to express it. Everything goes blank. Honestly, there's so so much i wish i could just spill it all out. I don't even know what's the motivating factor for everything already.

I used to believe that FRIENDSHIP was something i NEEDED to cherish.
Now, sometimes, i think it's something that can be ruined in just days, or maybe even minutes. Yes, that includes friendships that's been built up for years. What's the reason behind this realization?

DISAPPOINTMENT.

This word. So... used to it. That it stopped actually hurting me. It's like nothing new. At times i ask myself, when i really needed someone... who is really there?

Sidetrack: Whenever I see/heard the word BKK, it just makes me pissed. Really, i mean. I waited for 1 and a half year, to wait for nothing, waited in nought. #FA. No. It isn't about going together or not already. It's about what was agreed initially. 

Back to it, Unlike Jasmine, who sees the best in everyone, I'm sorry. I prefer to see the worst in everyone. I know i'm a total bitch as well, so i don't have rights to ask of people to be nice to me. But, at least to certain people, I have tried to be as accommodating as possible. I tried to be nice, so i don't think i really deserve shits. Talking behind backs, who doesn't do it? But one does not go to the extent of biting one who has helped you. Especially in more than one ways. I don't know if it's just me. But i'm really kinda numb to this already. I've learnt how to expect the worst, even in people whom I've expected best from. Cause, everyone's going to disappoint everyone else in ways or another. Just who's worth it and who's not. Maybe it's cause everything is too smooth sailing, i start to let my guards off. Start to forget why the walls were up in the first place. To forget that friendship may afterall be a second choice to everything. Like boyfriend or friend? A million dollars or your friend? (face the truth la)

But life always brings us surprises isn't it?
People whom you expected best = worse.
People whom you expected worst = there for you.

Friendship really isn't the number of years anymore. People whom you've just met, may just become the person who understand you, there for you. The handful of friends that i keep close, i just wish to cherish them. Everyone else, IDRGAFF.