Alone, with nowhere to belong.

Have you ever felt so alone in a crowded place? Ever felt like the world is such a huge place, but there's nowhere you belong to? I didn't use to feel so strongly about it. Until Christmas last year. That's when i fully understood what it means by being alone.

I used to think that I had the friends and company that I needed. With them, I wouldn't go wrong. But, I was so wrong. It was crowded then, but yet, I felt like there was no one but me. It's like I had a bubble around me, or I was transparent. When most of them slept, I took a chair to the balcony. I stared at the night sky, while it was drizzling, letting the tears flow down. I wondered what had happened to all the happiness I once had. That's what you get for trusting others. That's what you get when you get your heartbroken, but have no ways to mend it and no one to hear you out. That's what you get, for putting your friends all before yourself, that you end up all alone. That moment, I wished someone would wipe those tears for me. Obviously that would only happen in dramas. Everyone, including my bestest of friends had slept.

I guess I never told anyone about this. Why would I? Sometimes I wish I had someone I was thankful for, for being there to hear me out while I was at my pit bottom. Not like no one was there. But I couldn't feel the "warmth" that a brokenhearted would have felt.

Christmas is coming soon. I wish I don't have to feel that way again.