We're never there.

Was packing my drawer this noon while trying to find the receipt that i had when paying my school fees last year. Apparently i was on bank loan. No actual idea why on earth do i have to still pay cash. But somehow i subconsciously remember that bank loan only covers 90% of the school fee. Oh, that aside. I was packing my drawer, where i found a few letters given to me by my juniors, by my friends, my teachers. This was before i had graduated from secondary school. Being in student council for like 4 years has indeed brought me different school experience than what a normal student would have experienced. It also really brought me memories that are so precious. While reading the letters, i would suddenly reminiscence, the people, the moments. Within these letters, i have had letter from friends that i used to be so close with, promising to be forever there for me irregardless of what shit i get myself into. Then i think again, these 3 years, have they been here for me? I have really been on roller coaster tides, but no, they didn't even know. Much less be there for me. Moral of the story, people never keeps promises. ( Admit it's true. ) I wouldn't deny, i wasn't there too. In fact, i haven't even heard from them. People who say meet up since zion ages ago, and till now? I haven't even seen a single trace of them, (except on facebook).

Ohwell:/ Today was one of those nonsensical days when Jasmine and I are just plain bored and crazy. (Actually it's just me that's crazy). We met up for lunch at Mac. With both our current voices, eating Mac was a torture. Headed down to Pasir Ris park and attempted to try out films for my diana mini. More like wasting films uh. We keep taking nonsensical photos, but i guess that's the whole purpose of it right? Nevertheless, we finished the existing roll and used another too! :/ It was freaking hot!! Headed back E!hub and headed down to Expo to walk walk at Robinsons! Wanted to dinner at Astons, ji tao fail and decided to head back Tampines. Went to develop the films. Stupid Aunty, told her wanna develop films, keep talking, blah blah, head never even raise up and see what films-.- She offered me instant print, end up see already then she told me only available for collection on Friday-.- Slap her.

Was supposed to have dinner at foodcourt, but somehow suddenly ended up at DinTaiFeng, XiaoLongBaosx for the win! This period no prawns fried rice! )': Jasmine and I just emo only.

Headed down and emo cause films only can collect on Friday after 3. Just emo only. Cause i keep coughing, how? ):

You're a gift from above.

I promised to blog today, and i did. I will TRY to blog tmr and more often! Changed my background, this background not my choice actually. But blogger was a total bitch and refuse to let me upload mine. So i used it's defaults. So unlike me, i know. Each time when i change my blogskin, i feel this happiness and this is what motivates me to keep the blog alive. I tried to source for an ideal blogskin just now. Much failure. I wanted something simple. But i wanted the style, yet bringing out the simplicity within in. Unfortunately i didn't manage to find one. But i'm contented with this! (:

你是上天赐给我的恩惠。

Cause your hug is a necessity

Sorry i abandoned this lil place for quite a while. But life's been pretty mundane. Nothing interesting going on. It's holiday now, but Clarence is having attachment, so is jiewei and Janus. BaoShan and Yiyan is missing like always. Zara and Kelvin has work, Jiaqi and Jasmine has work): I feel abandoned:/

Nevertheless, hope life's gonna brighten up soon! Cause Wanting, Zhaode, Weijie, Kelvin, Clarence and BaoShan's birthday is coming up soon! OMG, actually it's quite far till Shan's birthday leh:O *senses money flying*

Ohya!On saturday, had work, like a no life-er only! ): Anyway, went home to bathe and headed to behind for dinner with mummy. Clarence came over to slack before heading out to meet Zara at Bugis. Tampines to Bugis is actually just quite near by car. Unfortunately, the GPS in the car's a bitch, a whore, who brings us round and round! We took 40 mins to get down to bugis cause it cheated us to go to safra, > bedok reservoir area > PIE > exit Geylang > Bugis. Major wtf-ness right? I know. Dessert at usual Ah Chew with Zara and love before heading back. Just a brief dessert session cause Clarence was really tired.

Heading back was a headache cause we missed the exit, the GPS sucked too. Missed the KPE exit, so flew over to Hougang > chance to salvage, missed it, flew to some flyover. Then, exited PIE (Tuas) cause didn't wanna make things worse, just before exiting, i shouted not to exit. Cause i saw Sims Avenue at the back. But he exit-.- Mess all the way. Took 45 mins-.- Petrol like a free only uhh-.-

Sunday, headed to a flea with Zarabanana at Expo! We are usually not free kinda people. But just for cheap deals, we went down. Anyway, reached there and was really tempted to buy lotsa nonsense. Lucky controlled by Zara. Hees! After finishing our loots, we headed over to Robinsons sale. Of course we went there for Confectionaries! Heehee. Loot loot and went to disturb Michelle! :D

Then we slacked at BK like 2 rich kiddos waiting for loveee to come fetch us, like a 幸福 only, i swear! Diana mini-ed! Hope the pictures turn out well leh! :/ Love came to fetch us at Expo, headed to Changi airport to eat mac while waiting for Kelvin to end work! Jiewei came down to find us. Drove over to budget terminal cause Kelvin's almost done! I was Zara's Maria man!
*Jason, if by any chance you see this. Please tell her to behave, and dock her salary. She feeling rich recently*
Bedok 511 at last for dinner! Shioksx only! Unfortunately no bring cammy, so no photos! ): Sent Kelvin back to Yishun before heading back home!

We need to have a list of new places to check out sia! Forever going the same place, got car also go same place, so boringsx! I shall change blogskin soon! :O

Only memories and regrets last forever

Things happened, no wish to mention~ Nevertheless, i'm not allowed to wash my hair today. I swear it's killing me deep down. Everyone knows i can't stand it when i don't wash my lovely hair):

Dinner-ed with my mummy and aunt at Nihon Mura. Super irritated with her, but after that was fine. The salmon skin with pork floss was awesome! :D

Was texting CL. He mentioned something that i super agree.

Cherish who you have, cause the only things that last forever are memories and regrets. 

True right? Gotta agree with him.

On the side note, baby's coming to pick me later! Then meet the rest. Hees! So 幸福, IKR :P

Being too close makes you wanna leave;

Been reading someone's blog. Emo posts all the way. Though i really dislike the person a lot, but i can feel the pain, the feeling of dying a little each time, every time a random thought of that person comes up.

All i texted, was a sentence out of concern, what i received, was something that got me major annoyed. I was annoyed, but i would say i was affected. 2 days in a row, i've received fked up texts. That's it, i'm stopping there. I don't wanna get more affected than i already am. So this time, i'll wait for you to text me. Maybe you should think about how you'd feel if it were you receiving such a text. Maybe if you bother you'll see things that you don't for now. So while you're too busy and tired to text or apologise to me, you have the energy to entertain her. Alright, i get it.

Nevertheless, baby's got his license on Monday! Heehee, i was so happy that i screamed at work! My mother called me a mad woman. But i don't care. Lalalala~ So, he took the car out yesterday to look for me, Zara, Kelvin and Jiewei at 445. Sent Jiewei home before heading to 800+ for ice cream! Happygirl92! But my dear boy is clearly worn out): Heart pain seeing him suffer at his ITP, but there's nothing i can do other than to give him a good massage every weekend. (Though i dread helping him massage, but i'm still gonna do it:/ ). When we went back, I LEFT MY PODDY IN THE CAR! Major emo-ness): Sad die me! ):

Ended up, i had to travel a lonely journey to school today without my poddy, lonely journey~ ): Lesson leant, never leave poddy in the car or with unauthorised person ( = everyone else ).

Heehee! I DYED my hair! Weijie and Sufea chose the colours! So yeah, brown again. Dreading brown. But i'm dye-ing this light colour so that the next colour that i can dye is ash brown, with a tinge of green! (Y) YAY!
Dinner-ed with BX and Weijie, OMG, long long time since i saw that army guy. Hees! After that met up with Zaralalala and Zhaode's gang. Kim Gary for supper! Too full to eat anything. But i wanna eat Kim Gary tmr leh! Cause Zara's Cheese baked rice looked awesome just nao:/ Talking to YX on msn now. Heehee, for once, he's being nice! (:

JB trip, show me you care:/

Somehow i let everything in, i let my heart get into my head. But somehow, i don't know why. I feel like things are different. Topics starts to deplete, we have lesser to talk, we start to care less, we start to take for granted that the other party will still be there at the end of the tunnel. We start to get annoyed with each other. 

Anyway, JB trip with Fairuz and Sylvia was funnnn, i wanna go again! Forgot to upload pics! Heehee! Make you people hunnngggrrryyyy! Nevertheless, when we reached JB and boarded a cab, this stupid uncle, he got lost. But, it's not just as simple as getting lost. I think he freaking got no puiny brains. We were heading to a seafood restaurant, he drove into a private estates? Stupid much right? He U-turned out, asked for directions from a road side store. He got back in and started to drive quite fast, we thought he knew his way already. Ended up, he got lost again. This time, it was in the middle of nowhere. Hate how Malaysia like to do things half way uh. The uncle drove onto this road, there was no streetlamps, no trees, nothing at all. He just drove, halfway, there wasn't even anymore road, it's all sand alrdy. AND HE CONTINUED DRIVING. Omg, seriously dumb uncle.Then he U-turned and went onto another sandy path, ahead was a puddle of water. So he stopped in front of it and asked Fairuz how. OMG, really dumb k! He think his taxi jeep uh?! He U-turned and saw a construction site, he went in and asked for directions. Can you believe it? A taxi driver asking road side stores and construction people for directions. How much more dumb sia:/ This time, he asked my friend if wanna continue with the journey or go back JB central (the place we came from)!

Finally we arrived at the place, the cab fare was RM39, instead of the max RM20 that Fairuz usually pay when he go there. We didn't wanna pay the price. Then he started saying things like, it's not like he wanna get lost either, it's not like he would wanna cheat his own religion people. OMG, the first thing that came to my mind was: "means if it's all Chinese in the cab, he'd have the intention to cheat us?!"!! So unreasonable right?! Anyway, we were too tired for all these drama, we just wanted to pay and get outta the cab. We were in the cab for 1 freaking hour getting lost-.- Saying he's stupid and unreasonable is an understatement.

We reached the seafood area at 10pm. We were so damn hungry! We ordered crabs, prawns, omelette, veggy, 10 man tou(s), 2 rice! Ate till 12am. Food was seriously awesome! Loooooveeee the black pepper crab! The place was facing the sea! Cabbed back to JB central area, bought disc and went to the customs. We ended up being stranded there! There was no buses that was willing to send us back! Waited for damn long before a bus sent us back! Happy max! Singapore's the best!

Cabbed home, damn bo hua cab alone sia! It was like... $30): But, even the Singapore uncle know where's the place la! Wahlao eh! zzz, the uncle was damn niceeee! Heehee, At least he's friendly and even taught me some tips when going Malaysia. heehee!

PICS!

When i was in Malaysia, i replied you short and fast, cause i suppose that i can explain when i get back Singapore. Since i don't get reception everywhere. Eventually, i got you annoyed. When i was at the bus bay, i was panicky, i was afraid of how to explain to my mother. You know my situation. And yet, you chose to get annoyed at me too. I didn't mean to get you annoyed. After i received the text, i went quiet, i didn't know what to reply. Cause honestly, i was too lost. I had wanted you to comfort me, telling me everything was gonna be fine. I don't need solutions, i just needed comfort. I needed you to calm me down. But no, you got angry, you could have not replied at all, maybe i would have felt much better. Jasmine said it's cause you're worried, but i'm not too sure. Should i be happy if you were worried? If so, the next time you're worried, show it, say it. It wouldn't make you lose anything by saying it. :/

Your hugs, my drugs.

I smurf you baby<3!

Went for wedding lunch with mummy this noon at OCBC center for my neighbour's wedding~ It was alright! My mum was saying that she's so full after the wedding while i felt okay. Simply cause i didn't know how to eat alot of dishes. So i gave all of them to my mummy. Heehee!

After that, took bus 10 back to tamp, lonnngggg journey! Bus home with dear boy! It's been like a week since i last saw him): ITP has snatched him away): How could this happen! ):

Bus down to DTE with Zara and Kelvin! Wanted to smurfy there, but then tickets were sold out): So, we ate justacia and headed back to Tamp to smurfy! Yaysx! Though we sat on the 4th row, but it was not exactly that near. Smurfs was good! (:

Home sweet home!

Passing phase.

Life's been pretty happening.

First week of holidays! And i'm stuck in school on Monday and Tuesday for FYP. Nevertheless, went out for dinner with Sheryl at Swensens@Holland V. Reached home pretty late:/ Then tuesday, after FYP, went to Nabins with Jiewei, Fairuz and Sylvia. Played five ten.

Wednesday, woked up damn early to go for a job interview at Raffles place with Weijie. Emo, didn't get the job:/ Headed down to MBS to get the liquor from Yanhui. Then to Bedok for lunch and meet Nadiah and Sufea to buy food and everything needed at the BBQ. Fairuz joined us shortly followed by Sheryl.

BBQ was alright, Portobello mushroom with salt, pepper and mozzarella cheese by Fairuz was just heaven sent. Awesome muchsx. Drank in the night. Omg, drank quite alot i guess:/ Sabo-ed by Leon then by Fairuz. His plan was to sabo Sylvia, but i also kena. Cause we plan punishment on both sides. :/ Lesson learnt, never be beside the guys! Puked man, the taste of the vodka sucks anyway, really really love my martell much more. Martell<3! Stayed till 5 plus in the morning with Fairuz and Leon. Then wanted to bus home when Jiewei called and said he's coming to pick me up~

Thursday, woke up in the noon, then received Sylvia's text to go JB, really is super impromptu. But we managed to make it work out! Shall elaborate on the JB trip in another post. It was awesome, but could have been much better should there not have been so much hiccups:/

Fyp in school today again, super no life. Anyway, after that we movie marathon Fright Night, Final Destination 5 and Hoodwinked in ABE room. We made ourselves super comfortable in the sofa and watched the movie. HAHAHA, really nua like no one's business man! Home sweet home!

Shall go sleep soon, actually i'm waiting for my nails to dry. It's taking forever):

my name = retard

Yeah, i'm one of the biggest fools on earth. Yes i am. 

And yet...

Somebody kill me alright?

I'm stupid, that's why.

I really can't put my feelings into words right now. I guess these helped a little. Too much for me to describe. It's just.... crap feelings. 

You really don't have to go to such measures to make me be there for you. I said i would, i would. 

You really don't have to pretend to be so down, just to get me to place you on the important list. 

You really don't have to try so hard to fit in. 

You don't have to talk so much bad things about them just to make me feel like they are really horrible for treating you like this, resulting in me wanting to do more for you. 

You really don't have to take sides, no one needed you to take sides. 

You really don't have to make me feel so pathetic. 

You make me feel like a total retarded idiot. 

Probably the last few to realize that my true concerns were being taken for granted, my willingness to go the extra mile is taken as a way to play a prank on me.

And my trust for you is eventually the source of my own misery. 

At last!

Okay, honestly, there are lots of things that are on my mind right now:/ Don't even know where to start:/

Zara's birthday wasn't exactly a blast. But i enjoyed the company while it lasted. I'm sure everyone did(:
But somehow my mind was pretty occupied i must say. I suppose at some point Zara could tell :/

Firstly, i'm happy that yanz is back with us! Like at last i see his cute face again! :P Anyone knows that i'm kinda obsessed with his facial expressions cause it's sooooo cute, heehee!

okay, mind blank now. Shall update when i sort out my thoughts:/

We're who we thought we weren't.

I'm afraid someday i'd be replaced, someday you'll realize that there are much more people out there that are worthy of your unconditional love and concern. Someone who wouldn't throw her temper at you. Someone who wouldn't keep you out each time she feels threatens, that you have to end up finding a way back in. Someone whom you wouldn't need to constantly assure her on who she is to you.

I've become one of them.

Ice Princess

I'm an ice princess. I never said i wasn't. That's what my brothers called me since i was younger. I can be totally nonchalant about something, even if it's hurting me so much deep down. I can hate someone so much, even if it means to say that the person is of blood relation to me. Yes, i'm a cold blooded person. I can have no emotions. I can keep you out of my world if i wanted.

But when someone tears down my protective layer, i'm someone totally different. I can cry for you because you mean something to me. I will let my guard down. I will do anything for you even if i know you're just taking advantage of me.

But now, i build up another layer of ice within myself. I learnt how to hurt others before they can do so to me. I will bring them down before they do so to me. When i sense that i'm about to be forsaken, about to be taken advantage of, i will, hurt you before i feel hurt by you. I'll say hurtful things without any qualms. I will push you away, get you off my back, just so that i won't feel painful when you leave me eventually.

But i guess i do have my weak moments too.

Yesterday was a long day at school. I swear man. MBS, then LP. Richard Chang really is pro. We asked him for concentration area, he say he will go through tmr(which is today). He really think he cute, who wanna come school on National Day? End up, he just briefly went through. Cause he was not prepared yet-.-

Ca&C is boring as usual! Starbucks treat by Weijie during lunch break!

Heh!

Went to library with Sylvia after class attempting to study. Ended up, we were locked in the room! Omgsx, wtf sia! Thanks to someone before us who broke the handle-.- Shit them sia, srsly!

can't rotate photo):

Ended up, Sylvia called Patrick to come save us by helping us open the door. It couldn't be opened-.- They called the front office, the technician, the service personnnel, all can't open. The one with the key also can't open!! We like 2 idiots sitting inside the room waiting for someone to come rescue us): Finally when the door opened, we like super happy bird92. Faster get out of the library, so paiseh!

Slack at spectrum and left around 6.20 to head down to timbre to meet Jiewei and Janus! (:
Dinner-ed there, major fighting session, trained down to bugis and walked to Haji Lane looking for Nabina! Suddenly someone came and walk beside us, FAIRUZ! LOLOLOL, can you believe it? Stand at the roadside and talk for 30-45 minutes?!

Went over Nabina~ Jiewei and Sylvia shisha-ed while Janus and I chit chat! I did take a few puffs~ Scared my breath or clothes stink of the smell. Ended up, Sylvia went to open a bottle of Martell :O Kinda unexpected sia! Anyway, keep drinking. I also don't know why. Maybe cause i keep thinking of things that i don't exactly wanna be thinking? Ohwell. Shan't go into think-too-much state~ lalala!

Anyway, we left the place pretty late:/ Ended up, even with the extended train and bus hours, we couldn't board the bus~ Watched it pass us by:O So, we took a cab back to jiewei's house. Then, Janus( who didn't drink, except a few sips of a beer at timbre), drove Sylvia back to her house! Which is at... Bukit Gombak?! Like one end to the other sia!

Went back Tamp, park the car, walked to 201 to drink my teh O iced! Bestttt! Then love accompany me walk homeeee:D Reach home kena scolded like no tmr): But it's all worth it! (:

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. 

- Carl Jung

You’re like a fire fly, a spark, a glow, a match in the darkness.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you  will never, ever have enough. 

- Oprah Winfrey

I'm thankful for you guys, loving you guys always. For being there when i need you, for going through shits with me

Janus:
Though we always end up arguing, i know you're concerned. You might be annoying with your naggings at times, but when you're not there, somehow it just doesn't feel right): It's as though there's something missing:/

Jiewei
You're an asshole. But i still love you! You know me so well, but i know nuts about you, that makes myself sadder than you are:/ You're always there for me with the comfort that i need, lovessss! <3 ! Probably can't live without you):

Clarence:
Loveeeee darling! Need say more? Hees!

Zara:
Pinkywinky! You're annoying at times, but we can get annoying together! Without you in my life, I'll be hell in a mess! Thankful i have you with me, understanding me. You and Jiaqi like that best people in my life that i can ever have! <3!

JiaQi:
Sotonggggg~ Thanks for always tolerating me! Sometimes feel like killing you thanks to your blurness! Gives us reasons to bully you! Love maxx! Can't live without youuuuuuu, ever<3 Muacksxsx!


Much loves! So much more memories to be created with you all <3 ! (:

Guess we gotta learn this. Not everyone's gonna be there till the very end. Someday when it's time, they'll leave.

"Just accept the fact, people leave"

Cause you mean so much to me

Alright, this 3 pictures just totally speaks how i feel. Many people come and go. Close girlfriends, guy friends. How many actually stay? Like what Peiyun used to say, for some people, there's just an expiry date to the friendship. Time's up and poof they're gone. Some never really left, just probably left on the shelf, until the day they need you.

It's not that i'm scared of trusting people, or trusting close guy friends. In fact, i trust them so much:/ They know sooooo much about me. But sometimes, fate only allows us to walk to a certain point. There isn't even a clear reason why we grew apart. And now, there's always this awkwardness that we can't cross. We used to know each other so well, now we're like strangers. Wanting to talk, but things just don't work out the same anymore. And i'm too afraid to step up, cause it'll make me look like an idiot trying to act close, when i don't even know what's going through in their world. While they don't know what i'm going through either. There's just the mental barrier that i myself can't cross:/

This time, i'm more afraid than ever to trust. To trust my secrets, to trust my tinny winny heart with him. Cause this time, he's capable of crushing me to pieces. I'm afraid to ruin everything that i have right now. Cause i'm scared i might just rely on him too much that i don't know when to stop relying. I'm afraid that i might get used to being pampered like a little princess.I'm scared that one day when he leaves me like all the others, i'm left open. I'm scared that when he gets so close, he'll realize that i'm so weak inside. I'm worried that when he sees through me, I can't even hide anymore. I can't even retract back into my safety little bubble. I'm too afraid that when we get too close, i can't handle it when you leave. Everyone else, i had my piece of reserve. With you, i want to remain that piece, apparently, sometimes i feel like you can tear all my facade down. You can tell apart when i'm down.

I want you to care, but i don't want you to care. I want you to let me rely on, to pamper me like your little princess and yet, never leave. For you, i can tear down my facade, i can allow you into my little safety bubble. But yet, i don't want to.

All cause i'm afraid of the pain and the price that comes with this comfort.

Tell me you'll be there till the very end.

♥

Happy Birthday!

This year, i would say, it's a year where i have no plans on my birthday, nothing at all. But i'm happy. Just cause my lovely friends are here with me(:

Butter-ed with Jiewei, Zara and Kelvin on saturday night?
Steamboat on Sunday evening with lovelies!

The thing is, after butter, i stayed over at jiewei's house, all the way till 2pm, i went home, changed and went out to meet Jiaqi and Minsan. Think imma pro man! Cause i slept less then... 2 hrs? And i got woken up in the early morning on saturday:/

Pictures shall talk! Cause i'm sleepy actually):

I just had to put this.

Macroons from qiii! <3!

Insane kartriders. Tsk!

New way of eating pork yo!

Much loves class! <3! Thanks sylvia in particular! The annoying one!

Big Bird wants to fly like a G6!

Say hi to the diana mini!

Ah Chewwww at last with darlings!