i'm gonna just leave everything behind.
don't wish to look back into unhappy things.
everybody makes mistakes.
i guess i made too many.
so, i hope to be forgiven.

&i'll have another fresh start.

我的视线已变得很模糊。
我已不懂得分辨事情的对错。
不懂得如何去解决一切的问题。
对于以前的我，要解决问题一点都不难。
可是对于现在的我，简直是要了我的命。
我也很讨厌现在的我。
我的脾气变得更暴躁不是因为友情或感情上，而是自己家庭方面的问题。

对于你们，我这两天想了很多。

对于____，我敢说，
我从来都没有骂过或想过你是个三八婆。
可能是我在骂别人，或只是随口说别人。
可是，我很确定，我没理由骂你。
还有，你问，我们是否有把你当作我们的最好朋友。
想了很多，我也不是赶着要回答你的问题。
我真的有把你当成我的好朋友。
只是，如果我和你之间残生什么问题。
我不知道要这么样更你开口解决。
我也从来没有更你当朋友因为你钱财上和物质上的富贵。
我们更你作朋友是真的要和你当朋友。
我更没有说，不是我的错。
如果我不认为是我的错，我更本就不会道歉，我也不会说：要起火，是需要两颗石头。

走到船头，自然直。

oh. wow. i hoped and prayed you'll say out everything that you were unhappy about. i'm not such an idiot that i couldn't see that you don't like me. even since i stead with him, you attitude towards me totally changed. I said you can get money from your parents your you still work. yes, i may sound very mean. but please, if i really meant it, would i had taken the application form for you? i would even bother finding anything for you. i can't get money from my parents during the holiday. and you said, given your family circumstances, you should work more. hello, why do i want to find a job so quickly? cause i know very well my family circumstance. nobody knows about my family circumstances. not a single soul, not you, not jessie, not baoshan, not jiaqi, not even clarence. hello, you talked about me behind my back too. i know that. but i never did i say a word about it. i thought you were my best friend too. i admit. i did talk bad about you before. but thats when something serious happen. other than that, when other people talk bad about you, i speak up for you too. you yourself did it too. so don't say others. you do talk about people that don't even say bad things about you. you may have forgotten. nevermind. And, i talked bad about you, simply because you started it first. i know i changed. i have become more hot-tempered too. when others give me attitude or whatsoever. i only say that the person attitude. but i don't say anything else. and you say you changed cause you had enough of people treating you like crap? then please, who treated me like crap first. finding me when you need me. throwing me aside when you don't need me. treating me like nothing but someone for you to fall back on when everyone else are not there. many people can see that, you think i feel good? treat me like crap when you have someone else. so, that what a best friend should do? i'm amazed. very interesting. you were the one who started it and now you are asking me why i did it? since you don't like the feeling too, why did you do it. i would rather you say everything straight in my face then telling other. you don't like it, neither do i. if you hate a guy to interfere, tell that straight into his face. i don't know a thing he said. so why tell me? don't i have the right to cry? everyone has. even a newborn baby. i didn't blame a single thing on you. don't put words into my mouth. who is the one fabricating tales here? i didn't drag anyone in too. i told him nothing. but he kept asking, wtf do you expect me to do? who is the one who went around telling others about untrue facts. you started badmouthing me, and they turned against me. so, you didn't mean it? fine. i knew everything. but i just kept quiet. i tried to make up to you. but you didn't even give me a single chances. since you don't even give me a single chance? why did i give you so many in the past. i did not say a single thing about you making untrue assumptions. right, you are the princess, no one dared say a fking shit. right, i make a shitload. very well. all those true comcerns are crapshit. thanks. get this into your stubborn head. i dare say this. when i say concern for you, i meant it. those were my truthful words. if i really meant to backstab you, i wouldn't even bother. i can just simply make more untrue tales about it. i would admit it if i made a mistake. i don't push the blame to someone else. i would think that you're the one putting me in hell now. i agree that friendship isn't proven by how much you cry for a person. i have never cried for jiaqi, i have never cried for baoshan too. however, they are still my best friends. sorry, even since this year, somewhat near the middle, i am totally unsure of what am i to you already. i asked you several times what i meant to you. you told me you treated me like your best friend. however, i don't feel so. i simply feel like i'm someone for you to lean back on. but, i told myself it's okay, you have your freedom to hang out with whoever you want. but i told myself to be there whenever you need me. and, i had never ever said it was YOUR fault. i did not say that. so if you're unhappy? why find me when i'm not the one? simply cause he's my boyfriend? then if your boyfriend makes me unhappy, i should take the blame on you too. i bothered to apologise, cause i know it's my fault. and you meant something to me. i know friendship isn't jugded by how much the person is there when you need them. but please, even if i bad mouthed you, i had never ever told your secrets out. and, they were only minor ones. after that, i would clear up with whoever i had told bad things about you. don't be too sure that you wouldn't bad mouth about people that didn't do anything wrong to you. you started it, i didn't say anything. when i started talking about you, it was when i really find it unfair that i have to tolerate everything that's wrong and when the fault isn't mine. please, if i weren't bothered with your actions and your words? would i have cried. if i didn't give a fuck about this friendship, i wouldn't have apologised. if i didn't give a damn about your feelings, i wouldn't have wanted to clear up everything. i hoped and wished that you'll tell me everything that you're unhappy with me about. i spent the entire night thinking. doesn't this friendship mean something to me. some tell me this friendship isn't gonna work out. why didn't i listen to them and just leave everything aside. i bothered. i cared about this friendship. i'm willing to change. but, please. i'm not god. i can't just change overnight. i don't want things to become this way. therefore, i apologise. i meant it. you were one of those i really cared for. one of those close to my heart. so, why is it that you didn't think you were in fault too. it takes to stones to start a fire, it takes two hands to clap. when you did wrong, i lent my hand to clear up everything. so why is it when i did wrong? there isn't your hand to hel me clear up the everything? 我只能说，对不起。但旁观者清。