I'm gonna chiong work today. I HOPE. First time:X ciao~

I am very tired now. I am having a terrible HEADACHE. But, i am very very happy(: However, i cannot believe what i did. I think i was mad the very moment i decided to go ahead with the plan. Call me INSANE(:

I used to say that they are insane. Today, me, michelle and jiejie decided to experience the insanity. It was rather fun actually. Except that my ear dums are broken, my headache is very terrible, my legs are aching. Nevertheless, i am freaking happy.

Oh, you didn't know where i went?
I went to the airport to see SHINee after they touched down at the airport. INSANE crowd, INSANE us(:
I really can't believe it. OPPS:X

Happy happy happy girl(: muacks!

I have much to say, much to blog. But, i'm tired. Wanna have an early night tonight(: Cause tmr still need to do projects! OMG, life sucks!

I'm feeling fucking stressful and things around me ain't making it easier for me. The retest gave me a chance to retry, but, i know i won't make it through. The tutorials are due tmr, i can loudly say, i haven't done shit. I was so fucking tired, i took a nap just now. Oh, i manged to fall asleep without thinking too much. And cause i slept, all my things are jammed up now. Well done. Wtf is with this stacking effect thing? It's making my life miserably miserable. I just feel so tired of everything now. Really, EVERYTHING.

Tired.

I wake up in the morning, put on my face,
the one thats gonna get me through another day.
Doesn’t really matter how I feel inside,
this life is like a game sometimes.

School's fine today. But, i had too much on my head. Feels like i can't breathe. Too much going on today, i feel like i can't absorb it all. Been going on a rollercoaster ride. Why must the peak pont and lowest point have such a big range. Too much for me to take it. Okay, i can't take it anymore. I need to take a breather.

I'll be fine soon.
I'll be fine later.
I hope i will be.

Oh, isn't that question that he's asking an obvious question? I mean, anyone can answer that instantly?! Oh, please. Seriously, FML. Crying plus bad flu. Well done.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, you've agreed. But i don't feel happy like, at all? Oh, maybe later. I'm not alright now. If you call me, or you video call me now, you'll hear/ see what a terrible state i am in right now.

Oh, you just spoiled my whole fucking plan. I had intended to speak in private to him. But, now you fucking spoiled my plan and got other people involved in it. If i don't get to go. It's all your fucking fault. I'm super sick now. This flu ain't like an other. It's making me feel very very horrible. With an irritating headache which is deterring me from thinking properly. Then, there are 10 piles of things in my bloody brain. The best way you could help was to shut the fuck up. But even that seemed very difficult for you. You should just shut the fuck up NOW. You are pissing me off. Fuck you.

Ohyes, i know im not a good friend. I really don't know how to be a good friend anymore. Not at least these days. Does a friend means giving in to every fucking thing? If yes, please tell me. I won't be your lovely friend then. I said before. I can be your best friend. I can be your worst bitch. Yes, the bitch is here.

"Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day; it takes lots of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self."
- Unknown

Ohman. Back to school, Things piling up on my head. Omg, endless>.<
1) I gotta do CIP ALONE.
2) ECTP retest.
3) ECTP and D&D tutorial
4) test/ exams in 2 weeks time.
5) CNY coming (FYI, i hate CNY(s))

Lots more that i can't think of now. Too many things in my head. Nevertheless, k-ed and supper at Simpang that day. Didn't know that Simpang so political one. LOL. Tried Nick's Roti John. Nice(: My prata wasn't as nice): Drove Nick home then we went home. Woohoo, explored new path(:

Yesterday, was supposed to go K with ricky, zara and clarence. But, somethings happened. So, end up cancelled k. -.- we were already outside the place actually. Sian ttm. Really is jitao shag diao. Plus everyone was out le. Okay, don't wanna talk about it.
Walked over to Parkway Parade with zara, her boyf, and Clarence. After that, headed to East coast Park. Makan dinner. Then homed. Reached home at around 12. Had a headache while on the bus): Then after bathing, flu came-.- It's still here today):

Moral of the story: Don't promise anyone about something that you're unsure. Get it right before comfirming. Otherwise, you'll piss others off.

We spend our whole lives telling ourselves everything happens for a reason, when in reality it’s just that we give reasons for everything that happens.
- Arina

Ohyes, last night. I wanted to blog. But then, a monster appeared in my room. Scaring hell shit out of me and my brother. Wahlao. Stupid flying cockroach. We 2 immediately chiong-ed out of the room. My whole family is sleeping and my dad was sleeping in the living room cause my mama's sick. Ended up, the cockroach went into hiding and my beloved brother ps-ed me and went to sleep. I couldn't sleep till around 3 plus.

End up, this morning overslept. I woke up at 7.45. Lesson at 8.30): Ended up, i reached class at 10, mr koh say. Okay, that's all for today. You all can do your tutorials/ you all can leave. (PS, lesson supposed to end at 11.30). We slacked awhile before leaving. Haha.

Home-d, i couldn't remember how i managed to idle away my lovely time): Drama(s) i think? Nevertheless, tmr going IMH (institute of mental health) to do CIP. Yes, i know. Wtf right? Nevermind. Everyone is telling me i can arrange my admission procedures tmr. (into IMH). Very "lovely" friends. I should just intro them in too:X

Ohyes, i was telling my mum a joke just now. She had to pop the medicine into her mouth at the time and drank water. She managed to swallow it. She took another sip, i was laughing away, she spit out all the water. Kena me, the chair and the floor. I know it's gross. But it's just plain water. LOL. Cock no ass = Coke no ice.

Mummy's been sick for days): that adds to me being aloft these days. Kinda worrying. She being able to sit in the living room and eat is already very very good(: She managed to finish all her food for dinner. Unlike lunch, she only ate 2 spoonfuls, then no appetite to eat le):

没有我的日子，你依然能够过得很好。

"There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how."
- Oasis

Today's lesson was fine. Obviously. Since when was wednesday a horrible school day? Had lesson from 10-11plus. Headed back, lunched with jiejie. Went home and attempted doing D&D, kinda miserable.

Headed down to downtown for DayBreakers with jiejie, jason and clarence(: Nice show(: At least for me. Cause i've got a fetish for vampires♥ Seoul garden after that(: It's better than other places man! Can order from the screen like sakae sushi. Plus plus, won't kena the splash spatter so easily.

Ohman, dark bluey days tmr:S

Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be.
— Gossip Girl

Yesyes, major FML. 2010 ain't a great year. I've been tired out. Not by other thing else. Just be thinking about all these issues alone. Sorry i seemed so aloft these days. I just thought i wanted a break, a time alone. (i still need it)

I'm starting to get sick of it. Seriously, somebody save me. Like, show me what is it that kept me going for the past years. I mean, this is getting hard. I really don't know how to go on. Even acting like i'm fine is getting tough.

I'll say it out straight, i wasn't happy at all. During the steamboat, and some others. This isn't the first time, i know it won't be the last. Don't ask me why i wasn't happy. If you know it, you know. If you don't know it, too bad. You should really try getting to know me all over again. I'm starting to feel like a total fool, being you all's maid. That's it, i'm tired. This time, i'm gonna let myself take a break. I've been too silly.Too busy trying to bring all of you together, too busy thinking of all of your needs. I totally forgot im human too. I need to be cared for too. I don't need anyone to care for me cause you wanna show me. I only want you to care from the heart. There's a difference my dear.

Let me pour my hearts out. I'm only human.

Today is yet another drama-ing day(: I love weekends being spent like that though. I know it seems damn no life. But, sometimes, just feel like nua-ing at home and chiong drama(:

btw,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY PAPA; SUIXIONG(:
Old bird, you're one year older and no longer in the 1+ club(: Congrats on entering the 2+ club(:

School again tmr. Ohhh, sian. I'm thinking of the law tutorial that i have yet to complete. Wanting wants to meet at 8am, this is insane. Then, i think of the S T U P I D D&D that i have to do. OMG, sian-ness is overwhelming me): If you don't have assignments, you won't feel the shagness. Don't tell me you're stressed when you don't have much to be stressed about.

Major exams are round the corner after they shortened our school term:S Happy yet sad. Happy cause holidays are earlier? Sad cause higher chances of failing. Opps, did i mention that i failed one module, like WTFness?

Oh, btw, im so not looking forward to CNY. It's the season of comparing. Zzz, seriously, i highly suspect adults who do that have damn no life-.-

Ohyes, did i also say that i don't quite have mood for Genting anymore? Maybe going up with jiejie they all(Jiejie, Jason, Michelle, Me, Clarence, and his lovely Jiewei?) will make it much better(:

有本事抛弃别人，就要有本事承担被抛弃的痛。

I need a little more than a little bit.

I know i haven't been blogging as regular le. But, i just suddenly felt like i don't wanna type everything out. There's been things bogging up my mind. Just, thoughts that only certain people should know. Only they can get the peek-ka-boo of these thoughts.

If you people are feeling that i've been acting weird, or i've been cold to you recently, or or, i've been having major mood swings these days. It's not only you just feeling that way. In fact, there's a lot of you feeling that way. Some of you know why is that so. If i wanna tell you, i will. Just be there when i wanna pour out my troubles(:

Went school for only an hour yesterday. LOL, only go there see photos. My eyes were puffy cause of the previous night. Bought ingredients and all, steamboat at jiewei's house in the night. Was alright. Just feel that some things ain't right. Walked home with BaoShan and had heart to heart talk with her. We don't have much chances like that. So, whenever we do, we really will cherish the time. And after that, there was this cat following us walk back to her house and following me home. It's a freaking black cat! JIEWEI, where were you! Gaying with Janus all night! )':

Today was spent drama-ing the whole day with jiejie. From 2-10, 6 and 1/5 episodes of 海派甜心(: Yeaps, i re-watched just to pei her(: Prata with her for dinner @ night, WTF. Jason and Michelle came down after work! ^.^

Don't touch me, you asshole.

Sometimes, i just feel that things aren't the same anymore. There ain't much topics we can talk about already. And, there are somethings that can never be the same anymore. No idea if you feel that way, but i definitely feel so. But, it doesn't actually matter. Things can stay like this. I'm more or less getting used to it already.

"You have to stand for what you believe in. And sometimes you have to stand alone."
- Queen Latifah

Yeaps, i believe in what i think. I'm not gonna change my opinion of this issue. I know people will support me for my decision. Even if they don't, i don't care.

"Let’s say all the things we never said."
- Almost Famous

Yes, say out all the things that we've been dying to say. Maybe, if these words were said, things might turn out differently. Things aren't all smooth these days. Just cause i don't say anything about it, don't blog about it doesn't necessarily mean that everything has been smooth sailing for me. Yes, up(s) and down(s) everywhere. But i think i can still take it. I'm a strong girl.

There's lots of unhappiness deep in my heart these few days. About some things, about some people, about some issues. 2010 ain't a great year for me. It didn't have a pleasant start. I don't think it will be great in the upcoming days. There are days where i wish i can hide in a little hole and cry my heart out. Wish there's this person that i can tell everything to him/her. Even the darkest dirty little secrets and the person won't judge me for it. However, the hole doesn't exist, neither does the person. So, they shall be kept with me.

I know some of you feel that, you are no longer in my heart. Such a way that, there feels like a barrier between you and me. Yes, there's a barrier. A barrier that i myself built. Perhaps it's to protect myself from being hurt. This barrier shall stay till i sort out my thoughts. Till then, i'm sorry people if i hurt you.

Meanwhile, i think it's also time i buck up to get my studies in the right track. I've been doing badly. Especially that bitch module, ECTP. Fuck shit. I failed so miserably-.- I know i must effing pass the effing retest. But, i think i CMI for that fucktard module.
Your world is somewhere i can never enter.

"There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think time will diminish their presence and to a degree…it does. But it still hurts, because, well…hurt hurts."
- The Story of Us

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIAH!
18 already! lovelovelove you!

Ice cream buffet @ ion > Walked around ion > 313 @ Somerset > Heeren > Cathay Cineleisure for dinner > 313 @ somerset > Simei > Home.

Ice cream buffet was alright. We all 6 person buffet, one main course, they charge 5 person buffet, one main course. LOL, cause ricky came in later.

313's ZARA doesn't have the S T U P I D jacket that jiewei wants=.= Don't kill me when you see this. You know it's retarded. Stop trying to Act Yi Ge Zac Effron can! I want that Fred Perry Jacket. Thanks jiewei. You're the sweetest.

Was supposed to pei Ricky go airport. But zara cinderella, so all go home. Jiewei sent me home. Talked for very long at my hse downstairs. Before sending me to my doorstep, he played with this cat for 5 minutes at downstairs. Honestly, her fur damn chio. But i think she's quite old also>.< She so cute. Enjoying the sayangs jiewei is showering on her-.-
.
.
.
.
.
.Sometimes, apologies don't really mean anything anymore. Cause i know they aren't your heartfelt words :S
Thanks jiewei (: For being there always. Though you're an ass. Don't deny.

"It is said that the darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn."
- Paul Coelho, The Alchemist

猪是的看着倒. Inspired from a book in Snip Avenue.

I didn't go school today. Surprisingly, i feel guilty. Don't open your eyes big, you're not seeing the wrong this, i am guilty. Went to polyclinic and see doctor. Waited uber long. Justin suddenly called him. Haha, a call i did not expect>.<

FUCK BLOGGER, I TYPED A WHOLE CHUNK OF STUFFS HERE. BLOGGER CAME OUT AN ERROR SAYING SOME STUPID STUFFS. AND POOF, ALL THE STUFF I TYPED HERE ARE GONE. STUPID SHIT.

main point, Fun time with jiewei, ricky and zara. High pitched tone girl, deep low voice guy. HAH! Laugh till the whole block can hear. That's about it. Blogger spoiled my mood.

It doesn't matter how much i give. It doesn't matter what i do. It doesn't matter at all. Cause you don't give a shit about it. So why should i bother trying? So why should i even bother caring for you. You ain't worth this. I know, but... Fuck this shit. FML.

"Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was."

— Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

I just feel kinda stressed,
I just feel kinda fucked up now,
I don't feel myself.
My mood's been swinging and swinging today.
There's alot of things in my heart. It's just, some deepest words that can't be expressed, can't be told to anyone.
Sometime, when memories flow backwards, it stabs you right in the face of your heart.

FML, i forgot to call HP again. I just remembered-.-

Pictures from jason's chalet has not been put up yet cause i haven't asked anyone to send me. I don't feel like koping from FB cause i think it isn't the full set. And, seeing those pictures makes me feel damn #$@%$% cause i had to use other ppl's camera instead of my own. And now my camera is @#$%#%^. Nevermind if you don't understand. It's perfectly fine.

Ohyah, ECTP is such a bitch. Don't wanna talk much about it. I think i will go for the retest. But, FML, everyone knows i hate this fucking topic. I hate the test, all the more i hate the retest.

Don't get on my nerves, you son of a bitch. Don't bother guessing who is it.

To brighten my down down down day, Milo Macflurry is back! Alright, that makes me a tinny winny bit happier. Not VERY much though, just a tinny winny little bit:S

You've never been there for me, and i think you'll never be.

Hello, i didn't attend school today. Was having fever. Now no more fever already. But, i'm having a really baddddd rash. Damn it. Why is my skin so sensitive=.= Till now still damn itchy.

Anyway, yesterday night and tonight aren't exactly very lovely. Spare me for the excessive rantings.

Firstly, my stupid adapter isn't working. Like, when i plug it, totally no effect. It's as though i didnt plug in it. It's something wrong with the adapter. I tried to plug in my brother's adapter, and it was perfectly fine. Likw, ftw!

Secondly, my darling camera isn't working perfectly fine like before after that day. It will auto focus and unfocus and focus again, even though im not pressing anything at all. Ohwell, i'm not blaming anyone. It was an accident. No one wanted it to happen, so don't feel guilty. It's just, my heart sank that moment it dropped. The camera was on, the lens was out. It dropped so hard that the battery pack flew out. So you all can't expect me to feel nonchalant about it. I think i was already very calm at that point of time. I really needed that moment to myself. Thanks Jiewei for the hug. It did calm my nerves. I admit that i could burst out into tears at that point of time. But i know i must not.

Thirdly, I don't know why. I have already told myself, you dote on her more. So, it's time i should let go. I will still be there, but it's never the same again. I know i have a place in your heart, i know it will stay in the heart. But, i've been shifted, front the front, to the back. You won't know what it feels like to be replaced by someone close to you. I don't blame anyone or anything for it. It's just human nature. Now that you and i have spoken out. We'll try to make this work out. But, i don't know what the end product is.

Forthly, I think it's true that my temper got worst. Maybe it's because of the stress i'm under, maybe because of my surroundings, maybe because it's just me. I am clearly aware that this temper of mine is gonna cause trouble sooner or later. It's only a matter of time before i lose people close to me due to my temper.

i know that the change was not me being paranoid. I know that the change was not cause of nothing. I knew something was wrong. But, i think it's all too late. It has more or less already caused damage that cannot be mended. I'm sorry. Sorry you had to tolerate me all this while.

I once believed that i was the only one you would love forever

I think i'm gonna stop here. I feel like tears are already waiting to flow down my cheeks. Too much information, too much stuff in my head. I need a hug from someone who really cares. I need some time alone. I might be talking happily to you, I might be smiling to you on msn. But trust me, i'm not fine. Just, not now. Maybe, maybe i'll be fine and back to morning tomorrow.

Till then...

1st Jan 2010
Jiejie, jason and i were supposed to meet at 12. But all of us ended up waking up at 12. So, went to makan, go home bathe and meet again. Jiejie came to fetch me then we went over jason's house to carry things down to the car for him. Michelle followed us too^.^ After that went to fetch ShiQi.

Settled down in the chalet. Honestly, the aircon there hor, cannot make it man. Stand in front of the aircon also don't feel that it's cold.

Cleared up, arranged the things, did whatever that was necessary. Jiejie not feeling well): But, she was hungry. So we went to downtown to buy 20 piece nuggets. Super depressed that there's no more shaker fries. Only got twister fries:S

People start to arrive soon after. Then when cut cake, charlotte just went up and spray the spray at jason. Woohoo, zai. War started. Played until the whole area. Some other chalets were not too happy. Our next door chalet also. But, was still fine after we talked to them. But the one at the other side was seriously not happy with it even though we never kena them. Then like wanna fight. Super no brainers. Continued playing. Ricky boy took a can of jolly shandy and shake, supposed to pour on jason after they take photo at the grass there. But he poured on another guy cause he thought that guy was jason. LOL, poor thing. Whole shirt all jolly shandy. Played with foam spray, party spray, flour, a little cake, jolly shandy. Xiangzhou didn't managed to get his fire extinguisher. Haha!

Cleaned up, talked outside chalet. While playing with Jovan. Haha, been quite a while since i last saw him. After they left, we cleaned up the place further. Packed up, threw away rubbish. Some went to shower. After that, played game with liquor. Had Absolut 100. Woohoo, rare eh? Don't see it all around.

Mindy was given the permission to join. But, not allowed to drink king's cup. Haha, we help her drink. Esp Jiewei. He helped quite a few ppl drink king's cup. AKY keep on kena King(s). Ricky don't know how to aga king's cup de man. He just pour alot into in=.=

Ran out of mixer, walked to cheers and buy. Came back, cont' drinking. Apparently, AKY got drunk. Then, he bit michelle very hard on the leg. So jason, michelle, ricky they all went to taupok him. LOL. He started vomitting after that. Camp at the toilet bowl:S They carried him out, but he ran back in soon after.

We sat outside the chalet and talked crap. Then, started massaging session. LOL. Jiewei was chinese doctor. Telling us that press certain spot can know certain things. Haha, he say i everytime headache, everytimg gastric. Woohoo, spot on!

2nd January 2010
Went out for breakfast while Jason sleep and Aky camp at toilet bowl. Mindy Zi high then go influence jiejie. So after we came back, eveyone slacked around while mindy continue high-ing. All went to sleep somewhere around. As long got spot can le. Mindy, jiewei and i played poker, then stress. While the 2 of them play, i keep dozing off on jiewei's lap. In total slept less than 20 minutes. Haha, his lap quite nice to koon on. After that, mindy went to sleep in a corner. Jiewei slept in front of door. Haha, block road. Then i over there play taptap revenge while everyone else was sleeping. Jiewei slept on my lap till my leg numb. Then very pain. I wanted to tell him, but i see him sleeping so soundly, then never call. end up, i accidentally sweeped AKY's cigarette box, then he wake up. Some of them started waking after that. I pei jiewei go home and take clothes. He wanted to koon for 5 minutes. wthhhh.

Headed back to chalet and went off to wild wild wet. woohoo, wave pool. Almost drowned at one point when i was trapped under the floats. >.< Other than that was funnnn! They made allies with people and started shooting people with water. HAHA!

Jason, jiejie and michelle chionged go back chalet and bathed then headed home to take the food down. we slowly made our way back to the chalet. Stoned awhile then went to start fire:D They reached when the fire was just nice:D

Uncle BBQ-ed for us. OMG, the mushroom, the sotong! Damn nice can! cravinggggg! cleaned up and packed all the things up. Mindy tried to fake that she was sleeping so that she could stayover for another night. Showered and then jiejie, michelle and zara and i were gossipping in the room. But the moment someone came in, we stopped le. Poker cards was what kept us awake for a while longer. Slowly, one by one dozed off. I was one of the last to doze off.

ricky and AKY woke up and put colgate on ppl's faces to wanna wake them up. They were complaining that it was damn hot. HAHA! I didn't kena! I think i woke up, cause i remembered them walking down the stairs lauging and holding a box of sparkles:S

3rd January 2010.
Checked out, went to makan Subway and played Daytona at arcade:D Funnnn! Auto pawn Manual mansxsx! Home after that. I didn't get to sleep much at all.

At night, went out for porridge at Geylang:D I went there before! Okay, food is nice:D Heehee! shall go there again soon:D

Only managed to sleep for like, less than an hour? House void deck having Malay Wedding. Their volume is increasing and increasing by the hour. And their talking is what makes me pek chek. Ended up not sleeping>.< 及可怜一下的咯！

At least i feel much better now. Not so tired. :D

I'M BACK!
But i'm very very tired now. My whole body is aching terribly now. I shall go try finish watching Black & White, then go sleep. I wanna eat Macpherson porridge for dinner tonight. I'm falling sick soon. Manly voice:S Spammed water last night and this morning.

Shall blog when i'm sober:D
missmissmissmissmiss you

HELLO PAPA!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I'M HERE FOR YOU POKAY?
Cause i'm your daughter mansxsxsxsx!
loveeeee youuuu.

Woohoo, hello everyone!
Firstly, HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY OUR DEAR JASON weiseong aka ahpong's master!
Secondly, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Byebye 2009. Bygones are bygones:D

Jason, you want someone first for everything right? I first to dedicate birthday well wishes on the blog!

Yeaps, slept at 5 last night and woke up at 10 to go over clarence's house. Bumped into LayHan on bus38. Then, went over EastPoint KFC meet clarence and zara. Makan, buy things, go his hse. Baked Cupcakes, cookies all that. Left his house at almost 7pm. Went home to change. Waited for the stupid bus 38 for 20 minutes=.= Chiong go home bathe. Ricky came over to wait for me. Haha! He couldn't stand my wet hair so help me blow hair. Aw, so sweet:X

Rushed over to tampines interchange. Haha, Jiewei waited for 20 minutes le>.< hand="/" creature=".="">.< papa, mac breakfast delivery please thanks.