Living your expectations

Yes, it's like 4am in the morning. I have to head to school to study tomorrow, and yet i'm still awake. All thanks to a dumb university application. Yes yes, i applied. So last minute i know. Quit all the naggings people. It may sound easy, JUST APPLY ONLY LA. But you have no idea how much is there to consider. No idea at all. So quit all the passing remarks.

I really have no idea what i want. Even up till now, i have absolutely no idea. Just gonna apply first. Cause.. apply loh. Other uni(s) can wait. Wait till after my exams okay? Don't come disturb me with it:/

Sometimes, I don't know why am i doing this. What is the reason and rationale behind doing this. Is majoring in this course what i really want? I have absolutely no idea. To many, it seems like my life is a typical Singaporean life. But, i don't know what i want, i see no goals, no future. Is my future only bright if i have that piece of paper? It's not only about what i want. I have to live up to so many expectations. Living up to everyone's expectations. Often i ponder, what i did, isn't what i really want. I'm just doing it cause.. others want me to do so.

Therefore, conclusion? Just live up to their expectations again. It makes the world more peaceful. Maybe that's the direction that i'll head towards. Living expectation.

Track of time

There's just so much going on this year. All the up(s) and down(s) to my friends. This year is indeed torturous for me.. I mean, it's like my final year. I don't even know how my future will be like in a few years time. I don't know  what i want in life, what i want out of myself. Just, fuck this shit. Moreover, we are all going to be separated from all our friends. I mean, we can say stay in contact and all kinds of cliche words. But we know at the end of the day, we are all going to drift apart:/

Really is mental stress. Got to worry about results, worry about drifting apart, worry about future:/

I really don't wanna graduate. Just feel like it's the end of the education cycle. Whereby Uni is just an optional, not like after primary, you move onto secondary, then to poly/Jc.  If i didn't meet this bunch of awesome people, i probably wouldn't give 2 fuck about graduating. But no, i met them. They brought upon a different meaning to the mundane poly life.

Fuck this okay. And now i'm feeling so troubled. Cause i can't get this nonsense out of my head. I don't want to look forward to anything. Especially this nonsense. I don't wanna get happy over absolutely nothing. Or rather, just my own imagination:/ Really think i should stop this shit before it gets wayyyyy too out of hand. By then, it will be nothing but hell.


On a side note, Bali trip has been confirmed! Air tickets and accomodation set. We're ready to go! ^^

 I CAN DO IT!