We're who we thought we weren't.

I'm afraid someday i'd be replaced, someday you'll realize that there are much more people out there that are worthy of your unconditional love and concern. Someone who wouldn't throw her temper at you. Someone who wouldn't keep you out each time she feels threatens, that you have to end up finding a way back in. Someone whom you wouldn't need to constantly assure her on who she is to you.

I've become one of them.

Ice Princess

I'm an ice princess. I never said i wasn't. That's what my brothers called me since i was younger. I can be totally nonchalant about something, even if it's hurting me so much deep down. I can hate someone so much, even if it means to say that the person is of blood relation to me. Yes, i'm a cold blooded person. I can have no emotions. I can keep you out of my world if i wanted.

But when someone tears down my protective layer, i'm someone totally different. I can cry for you because you mean something to me. I will let my guard down. I will do anything for you even if i know you're just taking advantage of me.

But now, i build up another layer of ice within myself. I learnt how to hurt others before they can do so to me. I will bring them down before they do so to me. When i sense that i'm about to be forsaken, about to be taken advantage of, i will, hurt you before i feel hurt by you. I'll say hurtful things without any qualms. I will push you away, get you off my back, just so that i won't feel painful when you leave me eventually.

But i guess i do have my weak moments too.

Yesterday was a long day at school. I swear man. MBS, then LP. Richard Chang really is pro. We asked him for concentration area, he say he will go through tmr(which is today). He really think he cute, who wanna come school on National Day? End up, he just briefly went through. Cause he was not prepared yet-.-

Ca&C is boring as usual! Starbucks treat by Weijie during lunch break!

Heh!

Went to library with Sylvia after class attempting to study. Ended up, we were locked in the room! Omgsx, wtf sia! Thanks to someone before us who broke the handle-.- Shit them sia, srsly!

can't rotate photo):

Ended up, Sylvia called Patrick to come save us by helping us open the door. It couldn't be opened-.- They called the front office, the technician, the service personnnel, all can't open. The one with the key also can't open!! We like 2 idiots sitting inside the room waiting for someone to come rescue us): Finally when the door opened, we like super happy bird92. Faster get out of the library, so paiseh!

Slack at spectrum and left around 6.20 to head down to timbre to meet Jiewei and Janus! (:
Dinner-ed there, major fighting session, trained down to bugis and walked to Haji Lane looking for Nabina! Suddenly someone came and walk beside us, FAIRUZ! LOLOLOL, can you believe it? Stand at the roadside and talk for 30-45 minutes?!

Went over Nabina~ Jiewei and Sylvia shisha-ed while Janus and I chit chat! I did take a few puffs~ Scared my breath or clothes stink of the smell. Ended up, Sylvia went to open a bottle of Martell :O Kinda unexpected sia! Anyway, keep drinking. I also don't know why. Maybe cause i keep thinking of things that i don't exactly wanna be thinking? Ohwell. Shan't go into think-too-much state~ lalala!

Anyway, we left the place pretty late:/ Ended up, even with the extended train and bus hours, we couldn't board the bus~ Watched it pass us by:O So, we took a cab back to jiewei's house. Then, Janus( who didn't drink, except a few sips of a beer at timbre), drove Sylvia back to her house! Which is at... Bukit Gombak?! Like one end to the other sia!

Went back Tamp, park the car, walked to 201 to drink my teh O iced! Bestttt! Then love accompany me walk homeeee:D Reach home kena scolded like no tmr): But it's all worth it! (:

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. 

- Carl Jung

You’re like a fire fly, a spark, a glow, a match in the darkness.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you  will never, ever have enough. 

- Oprah Winfrey

I'm thankful for you guys, loving you guys always. For being there when i need you, for going through shits with me

Janus:
Though we always end up arguing, i know you're concerned. You might be annoying with your naggings at times, but when you're not there, somehow it just doesn't feel right): It's as though there's something missing:/

Jiewei
You're an asshole. But i still love you! You know me so well, but i know nuts about you, that makes myself sadder than you are:/ You're always there for me with the comfort that i need, lovessss! <3 ! Probably can't live without you):

Clarence:
Loveeeee darling! Need say more? Hees!

Zara:
Pinkywinky! You're annoying at times, but we can get annoying together! Without you in my life, I'll be hell in a mess! Thankful i have you with me, understanding me. You and Jiaqi like that best people in my life that i can ever have! <3!

JiaQi:
Sotonggggg~ Thanks for always tolerating me! Sometimes feel like killing you thanks to your blurness! Gives us reasons to bully you! Love maxx! Can't live without youuuuuuu, ever<3 Muacksxsx!


Much loves! So much more memories to be created with you all <3 ! (:

Guess we gotta learn this. Not everyone's gonna be there till the very end. Someday when it's time, they'll leave.

"Just accept the fact, people leave"

Cause you mean so much to me

Alright, this 3 pictures just totally speaks how i feel. Many people come and go. Close girlfriends, guy friends. How many actually stay? Like what Peiyun used to say, for some people, there's just an expiry date to the friendship. Time's up and poof they're gone. Some never really left, just probably left on the shelf, until the day they need you.

It's not that i'm scared of trusting people, or trusting close guy friends. In fact, i trust them so much:/ They know sooooo much about me. But sometimes, fate only allows us to walk to a certain point. There isn't even a clear reason why we grew apart. And now, there's always this awkwardness that we can't cross. We used to know each other so well, now we're like strangers. Wanting to talk, but things just don't work out the same anymore. And i'm too afraid to step up, cause it'll make me look like an idiot trying to act close, when i don't even know what's going through in their world. While they don't know what i'm going through either. There's just the mental barrier that i myself can't cross:/

This time, i'm more afraid than ever to trust. To trust my secrets, to trust my tinny winny heart with him. Cause this time, he's capable of crushing me to pieces. I'm afraid to ruin everything that i have right now. Cause i'm scared i might just rely on him too much that i don't know when to stop relying. I'm afraid that i might get used to being pampered like a little princess.I'm scared that one day when he leaves me like all the others, i'm left open. I'm scared that when he gets so close, he'll realize that i'm so weak inside. I'm worried that when he sees through me, I can't even hide anymore. I can't even retract back into my safety little bubble. I'm too afraid that when we get too close, i can't handle it when you leave. Everyone else, i had my piece of reserve. With you, i want to remain that piece, apparently, sometimes i feel like you can tear all my facade down. You can tell apart when i'm down.

I want you to care, but i don't want you to care. I want you to let me rely on, to pamper me like your little princess and yet, never leave. For you, i can tear down my facade, i can allow you into my little safety bubble. But yet, i don't want to.

All cause i'm afraid of the pain and the price that comes with this comfort.

Tell me you'll be there till the very end.

♥

Happy Birthday!

This year, i would say, it's a year where i have no plans on my birthday, nothing at all. But i'm happy. Just cause my lovely friends are here with me(:

Butter-ed with Jiewei, Zara and Kelvin on saturday night?
Steamboat on Sunday evening with lovelies!

The thing is, after butter, i stayed over at jiewei's house, all the way till 2pm, i went home, changed and went out to meet Jiaqi and Minsan. Think imma pro man! Cause i slept less then... 2 hrs? And i got woken up in the early morning on saturday:/

Pictures shall talk! Cause i'm sleepy actually):

I just had to put this.

Macroons from qiii! <3!

Insane kartriders. Tsk!

New way of eating pork yo!

Much loves class! <3! Thanks sylvia in particular! The annoying one!

Big Bird wants to fly like a G6!

Say hi to the diana mini!

Ah Chewwww at last with darlings!