Cause you mean so much to me

Alright, this 3 pictures just totally speaks how i feel. Many people come and go. Close girlfriends, guy friends. How many actually stay? Like what Peiyun used to say, for some people, there's just an expiry date to the friendship. Time's up and poof they're gone. Some never really left, just probably left on the shelf, until the day they need you.

It's not that i'm scared of trusting people, or trusting close guy friends. In fact, i trust them so much:/ They know sooooo much about me. But sometimes, fate only allows us to walk to a certain point. There isn't even a clear reason why we grew apart. And now, there's always this awkwardness that we can't cross. We used to know each other so well, now we're like strangers. Wanting to talk, but things just don't work out the same anymore. And i'm too afraid to step up, cause it'll make me look like an idiot trying to act close, when i don't even know what's going through in their world. While they don't know what i'm going through either. There's just the mental barrier that i myself can't cross:/

This time, i'm more afraid than ever to trust. To trust my secrets, to trust my tinny winny heart with him. Cause this time, he's capable of crushing me to pieces. I'm afraid to ruin everything that i have right now. Cause i'm scared i might just rely on him too much that i don't know when to stop relying. I'm afraid that i might get used to being pampered like a little princess.I'm scared that one day when he leaves me like all the others, i'm left open. I'm scared that when he gets so close, he'll realize that i'm so weak inside. I'm worried that when he sees through me, I can't even hide anymore. I can't even retract back into my safety little bubble. I'm too afraid that when we get too close, i can't handle it when you leave. Everyone else, i had my piece of reserve. With you, i want to remain that piece, apparently, sometimes i feel like you can tear all my facade down. You can tell apart when i'm down.

I want you to care, but i don't want you to care. I want you to let me rely on, to pamper me like your little princess and yet, never leave. For you, i can tear down my facade, i can allow you into my little safety bubble. But yet, i don't want to.

All cause i'm afraid of the pain and the price that comes with this comfort.

Tell me you'll be there till the very end.

♥